iPod three months old? You are living in the stone age

Greetings my fellow grandpas and grandmas in Internet time!

That’s right, owing to the unstoppable march of technological progress we are all Internet octogenarians. And those who are literally Earth-year octogenarians are Internet octocentenarians or 180 years old.

Wait—is that 800? My knowledge of etymology and Latin-Greek hybrid words used in English need to be upgraded to version 2.0. Then again, 800 might be correct. Aging in Internet years is probably exponential.

By the time a device debuts for public consumption, it’s already considered almost obsolete.

Further, by the time a gadget such as a new iPod saturates markets beyond the niche it originally fit into, the techno-elite are probably schlepping around a sleeker faster version 3.0.

An example from the highly-educational “Red vs. Blue” machinima1 is when Leonard Church travels to the future.

Church returns and says, “I got this new wristwatch, it’s got a pedometer and a built-in time machine. Oh and it also plays MP3s. But in the future we don’t call ‘em MP3s. We call ‘em MP48s.”

Progress simply for the sake of progress—especially where electronics are concerned—never gets us anywhere that we weren’t previously.

A friend of mine has an second generation iPod touch; I have a third generation. Other than cosmetic differences, mine does little that his does not. (Neither plays MP48s).

When you get down to it, neither device meaningfully improves our lives. For every way an iPod enhances my life, it probably does three other things in a less efficient (but highly technological) way.

Keeping apace with technological developments might appear cool and let you update your Facebook status from a bathroom stall, but it will get you nowhere fast.

Go outside and enjoy the fresh air before you become an Internet sesquiquadricentenarian (450 years old).

1. ‘Machinima’ are movies made using audio dubbed over footage from video games.

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