Don’t be a Scary Mary
This article should be all about covering New York Fashion Week and the slew of weeks of fashion that follow it. Instead, I have to deal with the huge epidemic that is sweeping across Chadron. This has to be taken care of before I can even attempt conversing about true high fashion.
This epidemic is easily recognizable on our campus. A person who has contracted it lurks down the sidewalks of CSC. Hairy spiders creep where her eyelashes once gracefully laid upon her cheeks. Jamaican dreadlocks are thrown up into what looks like a cow pie on top of her head. She is in every building, in every class, and could even be in your very own mirror.
Who is she?
She is Scary Mary!
If this doesn’t sound like half of the girls walking around campus, you better make sure you are really enrolled at Chadron State College.
Come on girls, don’t be that girl. Stop it! You are not impressing anyone with your lack of putting yourself together. With one glance you can’t imagine that a professor would think of you as a human being, let alone a student.
Just because we live in Nebraska, doesn’t mean we have to dress like we do. I have traveled to many cities, and let me tell you, this is one of the only places I have been were you look like an outcast if you aren’t dressed like a homeless person.
Why not take an hour out of your time to make sure that you are dressed, made up and have at least taken a shower before you venture off to class. What Barbies did these girls grew up playing with?
I have decided it is time for me to pull an exorcism of Scary Mary. This, of course, is all part of my “Keep Chadron Beautiful” campaign.
Here are five tips any girl can use to get rid of her inner Scary Mary.
- Wash Your Face – Reapply your eye makeup and you’re good to go. In desperate situations, for makeup all a girl really needs is a nice set of lashes.
- No More Messy Bun – Brush through that ratty hair and put it in a low pony! This looks much better than the Nebraskan Cow Pie you were tooling around in before.
- Sweats Are For the Gym – Does it really take that much more effort to put on a decent shirt and toss on a good ol’ pair of jeans.
- Brush Your Teeth! – If you can taste it, we can smell it. You think your clothes are foul? Take a whiff of your breath!
- Smile – Just because you woke up late (and/or didn’t shower), you don’t have the right to be grumpy the rest of the day. Isn’t once a month more than enough?
Hopefully this time next year the Scary Marys will be long gone and we will have Thoroughly Modern Millies instead.
The day when all hair is combed, all clothes are matched, and all Crocs are burned will be the day I dance in the street. This day can’t come soon enough!