Define your own happiness

Here’s irony for you: I’ve got a confession.

I worry, a lot. I worry about practical things like upcoming papers, finding time to practice, and making deadlines. I worry about philosophical things, like my friends leaving me behind, what I will do with my life when I leave this place, and being wanted.

I’ve been told by many that I worry too much, and this is probably true. I often let myself get carried away. I’ve always been this way, though. According to my parents, I was worried about the threat of militarized invasions of the United States at the ripe old age of five.

It’s a wonder I don’t have ulcers.

After spending four years of middle school and two of high school being the scary-looking “Gothic” kid (a label handed to me by others), I decided to try something different.

I had originally adopted an angry exterior to protect myself from the ridicule and judgment of a sports-oriented school system. I didn’t discover until my junior year that people might actually like me for me; hence the incredibly handsome, quick-witted loudmouth persona you all have the good fortune of seeing today.

I’m not fishing for sympathy, mind you. Everyone had it rough in their adolescence, that comes with the territory. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned during my maturation, though, it’s something that Jeff Morgan put best in his written adieu to CSC:

“Do what you love.”

If I could put my own spin on Morgan’s claim, I would say, simply, do what makes you happy. A great deal of my stress comes from over-thinking. Another good portion of it comes from constantly worrying about everyone else’s happiness. I’m the kind of guy, believe it or not, that wants everyone to get along and everyone to live their dreams.

Unfortunately, reality often comes along to jack this ideal right in the jaw. If you spend all your time worrying about everyone but yourself, I guarantee you, you will not be any happier for it. Sure, everyone around you might be, but at the expense of your own emotional and mental health? Screw that.

Believe it or not, there is a time to be self-centered. Don’t let anyone else make decisions for you, because it’s a tough habit to break out of.

Don’t let your image depend on other people, because if those people leave you, you will be left with nothing. If your definition of a happy life is living at home and pursuing creativity while working a tolerable job at a gas station or Walmart, do that.

If your definition of happiness is climbing the ladder of a career, do that. People are quick to tell you to want more, to not be satisfied with what you do, but isn’t the entire point of living to find something that makes us happy? Satisfaction does not equal settling for less.

A lot of people walk around believing that everyone else has everything figured out. Always take solace in the fact that none of us have any clue what we’re doing. If you enjoy what you do, however, I would say that you’re on the right track.