Avoid the need to be right

I spend a lot of my time observing people, especially strong, kind, and virtuous people.  I notice certain aspects that distinguish these people in my eyes, and so I try to follow the examples they set.

One thing I’ve noticed is that they can handle being wrong with humility and grace. They will humbly accept their faults and work to improve their flaws. Good people are rarely self-righteous, they’re usually more concerned with doing what they feel is the right thing, rather than dwelling on the wrongs they might see in others.  They are good leaders and they are strong in character.

Despite my observations and urge to emulate, I don’t think I will ever possess the strong character I seek due to an overwhelming fear of being wrong. In order for me to grow and improve, I will have rid myself of that fear. Before this can occur, I must sacrifice the condition that creates that fear; my default setting, the need to be right. It sounds easy, but it’s not.

When you’re afraid of being wrong, you become overly concerned with being right. That need to be right will lead you to becoming judgmental, argumentative and hateful.

Those who judge, those who argue and those who hate are usually incredibly ignorant.  Their need to be right is a selfish desire, and it blinds them. They will ignore facts and perspectives, refusing to look outside of their own narrow world view. They will close their mind to any new ideas.

The fear of being wrong leads to the mistaken belief that self-righteousness is a virtue. This is troublesome because what is right for one person is hardly a guiding philosophy for others. Self-righteousness is poor replacement for an individual’s subjective judgment.

The distinction I see is between “doing the right thing” and “being right.” If you feel the need to be right all the time, you will eventually do only wrong.  You will fail to accept the faults in others, and will instead set a laser sharp focus on criticizing others for their wrong-doings.

I used to possess a strong moral compass, and it led me in the right direction. The compass pointed me do the right thing regardless of the wrongs perpetrated by others.  But my fear of being wrong made me self-righteous. I ignored my compass and sacrificed what I valued in order to meet the expectations of others. I convinced myself to follow self-righteousness out of hatred and ignorance; I adopted the need to be right.

My moral compass was calibrated by my upbringing and experience, but when I come into conflict with the values of others, I default to ignorance, immaturity, and inhumanity.

My own self-righteousness was created by a selfish desire to say what others believe or value is wrong. That is a poor coping mechanism that I use to validate my own beliefs and values.

But that’s not the way I ought to be.  My moral compass isn’t supposed to lead me to “being right,” rather it is meant to give me a sense of direction.  It’s supposed to send me on the right path so that I can do what I feel is the right thing to do.  It’s only when I cling to the fear of being wrong that my compass loses direction. When I fear being wrong, I get lost in indecision and I feel I lack purpose.

In the absence of a strong sense of purpose, is it morality, ethics, or whatever you value, you will default and be blinded ignorance and self-righteousness. I’ve noticed this fault in myself, and I’m not afraid to share it in hopes that I can help someone else who’s struggling.

So, my advice; avoid the need to be right.