Are T.V. award shows relevant?

I‘ve been struggling with story ideas, so I asked a question in the newsroom during the editors meeting.

“Did anyone watch the VMAs?”

I was met with blank stares, shrugs, and mumbles; “That’s still a thing?”

“What about the Emmys?” Nope.

I was about to tell my  peers that they  sucked at staying in-touch with pop culture, the words of lyrical genius Ice Cube echoed through time; chiggity-check yourself before you wreck yourself.

The bigger question I need to ask is: does anyone care?

Seeing as I just referenced an early 90s rap artist whose only claim to notoriety lately is selling white people beer, you can see how impossibly milquetoast I am when it comes to what’s relevant.

However, as much as I would like to dismiss the cult of popularity, I have a professional obligation to cater to the masses and ask engaging, entertaining, and thought provoking questions.

However, I’m a pretentious hipster dork and I pride myself on being able to tell people that don’t own a television, so that’s certainly a handicap when it comes to being versed in cultural relevance. Thankfully I can stitch things together with the aid of the internet because: journalism.

Around this time last year, I paid little attention when everyone began complaining about Miley Cyrus masturbating with a giant foam finger on National Television.

The only real reason the event seemed significant to me at the time was the fact that her performance broke the record number of tweets per minute. That tweet record stood until it was surpassed during the Super Bowl, only to be shattered after Germany’s 7-1 win over Brazil during the world cup finals.

These are facts, which, once again, offer valuable insights into what a dull person I am, and how my job forces me to focus on stupid details.

At this year’s VMAs, Cyrus won Video of the Year for “Wrecking Ball,” but opted to have her date, a young homeless man named Jesse Helt, accept the award on her behalf to raise awareness for homelessness.

I suppose this gesture was meant to atone for past outrageousness. But the media, in its vapid quest to leave no good deed unpunished, revealed that Helt has an outstanding arrest warrant in Oregon for violating parole.

I’m willing to wager that going on T.V. was probably a poor decision on Helt’s part, but then again, it’s not like anyone was really watching anyway. Cyrus gave Helt money to travel home after the VMAs to see his family. I hope he will be able to settle his affairs while he’s there.

Aside from that detail, this year’s VMAs were pretty yawn inducing.  Taylor Swift performed “Shake it Off,” her first single since she has re-invented herself as a full-fledged pop star. I’m fairly certain that Kanye West… let me finish ….is sitting somewhere, boiling in a pit of his own rage.  I’m sorry, that joke is probably not funny anymore.

Nicki Minaj also performed her new single, “Anaconda,” which cannibalizes from another 90s rapper who I feel we’d all be better off forgetting about.

One thing that’s certain is that the audience definitely got their fill of vomit-inducing conspicuous cellulite jiggling, and it’s with great dismay that I must admit: twerking continues to be a culturally relevant thing.

And while the other artists performed their singles and left the stage, Beyoncé unloaded an impressive 15-minute medley of her best work, during which I was completely blown away by the segment featuring the song “Flawless.”

If you are unfamiliar with the song, it samples part of the TED Talk “We Should All Be Feminists,” delivered by Nigerian feminist author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

During the performance, Beyoncé’s silhouette stood out against the dark background as the word “Feminist,” projected behind her in tall white lettering.  The combination reminded me of installation art pieces by Jenny Holzer or Barbara Kruger.

As Adichie’s voice narrated the definition echoed in the background, it provided a powerful juxtaposition, and was even more nuanced by the crowd shots of her husband, rapper Jay-Z, who held their daughter, Blue Ivy, as both of them looked on from the audience.

Well, I’m back to where I started.  I don’t watch T.V., so I don’t know. I guess I’ll ask the question again: Who cares about the Video Music Awards?

Apparently, I do.