Have a safe, responsible Halloween weekend

Am I the only one who’s excited for tomorrow night?

Halloween falls on a Friday this year, so we can all don our costumes, go to parties or out to the bars, get smashed, and then have a whole weekend to sleep away our hangovers. The ghost of Charlie Sheen Past echoes through time: “Winning!”

But let’s stop and do some math: skimpy outfits + booze = problems.  We all want to have a safe and fun Halloween, so let’s look at some potential risks and consequences, and how we can avoid them.

IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE

Don’t drink. That’s it. Under Nebraska law, if you’re arrested for Minor In Possession, (a Class III Misdemeanor); your parents will be called and you will face a fine of up to $500, and/or up to three months imprisonment. (Neb. Rev. Stat. § 53-180.05.) I’m guessing most of you can’t afford to fork over $500, and the hours you’ll spend doing community service instead of studying will give you plenty of time to reflect on your choices.

I don’t care how responsible you think you are, the safest thing for you to do is to practice some self-restraint and self-respect; just wait until you are 21. Chances are you can’t handle alcohol, and I’m certain your parents will be thrilled to get a phone call at 3 a.m., telling them that you’re in the emergency room getting your stomach pumped. You are an adult now, buck-up and act your age.

IF YOU ARE OF AGE

Don’t buy for minors, don’t provide for minors, and don’t even let minors come near your party. It’s your responsibility to ensure there are no minors present; ignorance is no excuse.

If you unknowingly provide for minors, you can still face a Class I Misdemeanor, up to $1000 fine and/or up to six months imprisonment (Neb. Rev. Stat. § 53-180.05 (1)).

If you ignore the warning and provide for minors anyway, you can face a Class IIIA felony. Sentences include up to $10,000 fine and/or up to five years imprisonment (Neb. Rev. Stat. § 53-180.05).

And heaven forbid, if you knowingly provide a minor alcohol and it results in severe injury or death, you are guaranteed to receive a minimum 30 days imprisonment on top of any other punishments you get in sentencing. (Neb. Rev. Stat. § 53-180.05 (2)).

KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF

With the college’s heightened sensitivity toward sexual harassment and assault, it’s important to remind you: you’re an adult and you need to keep your hands and appendages to yourself. You wouldn’t be here without having already learned that lesson in kindergarten; there’s no excuse.

If someone is wearing a revealing costume, that doesn’t give you the green light to touch them without their consent. Besides, no one wants your disgusting paws on their body anyway.

HAVE A PLAN OF ACTION

That being said, I don’t condone “slut-shaming” and I’m all for having a positive body image. If you’re comfortable and confident enough to wear something revealing in public, then that’s your choice. Just be aware that you’re going to attract attention, whether you like it or not.

We can talk about how oppressive the patriarchy is some other time; you still need to have a plan to deal with it.

If at any point someone touches you inappropriately, tell them that it’s not OK. If they can’t take the hint and persist, tell a bouncer or bartender. If worst comes to worst, kick them in the groin or spray mace in their face, then report them to the police. The only way that people will learn to be respectful and leave you alone is if there are real consequences.

If you see someone acting inappropriately, don’t be a bystander; step in. You aren’t being a “cock-block;” preventing a sexual assault is worth causing a scene. You can rest easy knowing that you did the right thing, but if you ignore it, you are part of the problem and that will be on your head.

Have a plan to be responsible. Don’t go out alone, and make sure your friends are watching you and that you watch-out for them too. Don’t let friends go off by themselves or leave with someone you don’t know. Know each other’s limits, stick together, and have a designated driver that will get you home safe.

NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING

If you buy someone a drink, they are under no obligation to accept it. Even if they do, they still don’t owe you anything. Don’t continue feeding that person drinks with the expectation that they’ll go home with you. Besides, if a person is really that into you, they will stick around and have a good time. Don’t let that thing in your pants pocket make the decisions for you (I’m talking about your wallet, of course.)

Likewise, don’t flirt with the intent to score free drinks. No matter how attractive you think you are, no one owes you. This isn’t a “chivalry is dead” argument; if you can’t afford to go out on your own dime or don’t have friends who are willing to pay your way, you should keep your broke-self at home. Besides, you can always decline that drink, especially if you’re not interested. It’s the classy thing to do.

DON’T RAPE SOMEONE.

If you can’t get laid while you’re sober, don’t think that it’s OK to take advantage of someone who has had too much to drink. You aren’t “getting lucky,” that person is impaired and cannot consent to having sex with you. Just don’t even play around with that; it’s not worth the consequences.

Even if they offer their consent, you should still do the smart thing and decline. If you’re really that sexually frustrated, your safest bet is to go home and masturbate. It’s not illegal, and it beats jail time and being convicted as a sex-offender. The worst that could happen is an awkward confrontation when you’re roommate accidentally walks in on you. It’s embarrassing, but at least your name won’t end up in the paper.