Don’t let the green-eyed monster into your relationship

Too often I have seen relationships where there is a third existing member.
“My partner doesn’t want me to go out because it makes them jealous,” “My partner gets jealous if other people flirt with me,” or even, “My partner doesn’t like this person texting me”… Jealousy. The green-eyed monster.
We’re all familiar with the pang of envy and ache of insecurity; however, are we guilty of tolerating, even encouraging, the stigma of jealousy in relationships equating to affection/care?
In songs, TV shows, and other media outlets, we are constantly exposed to this notion that if someone gets jealous of our attention, time, or otherwise, they are expressing their undying affection for us. According to a study conducted at Humboldt University in Berlin, Facebook is a large offender that spurs jealousy.
Online we tend to present our best selves and moments, as such, looking at these images that other people post in relativity to our own situation can make us regretful, envious, or even depressed.
Facebook also allows us to “spy on” and “investigate” people our partners talk to. This sort of behavior opens doors to comparison, self-abhorrence, and feelings of being “not good enough.” Jealousy itself is not a crime and, when communicated efficiently between people, doesn’t have a negative affect; however, jealous behavior characterized as controlling, isolating, or possessive borders on abusive. Unfortunately, that is the type of behavior we tend to encourage.
Media today has so popularized the idea of jealousy that its romanticized. It’s considered romantic for a partner to get jealous of a platonic friendship, or of spending time with other people. Jealousy is about objectification, ownership… and the unhealthiest way of thinking when it comes to a relationship is that one partner owns the other.
Each person has to have his or her own independent lives, and a partner’s constant desire to choke out that independent life is a partner that resents the other for having it. Love and affection is not control, or wanting a partner all to oneself.
“Because I love you…” or “You make me jealous when….” are all phrases that discard personal responsibility for insecurity, and only oppress and stifle a member of the relationship.
It’s especially telling of an abusive relationship when the partner being oppressed begins to make excuses for, or defends, the partner in question.
In short, overcoming jealous feelings and insecurities requires communication, understanding, and a certain amount of responsibility; however, comprising to someone’s controlling behavior is submitting to abuse, not love, and to perpetuate that behavior in media is dangerous.