Relationships don’t have to be fairy tales

Once upon a time, there was a typical princess who looked like every other princess that’s ever been. Once upon a time, everyone is happy and loving life, until some kind of traumatic event occurs. But don’t worry; the wonderful, handsome man will come to the rescue and save the innocent girl. And they all will live happily ever after.
And thus summarizes almost every Disney princess movie to date.
Tuesday evening, Stacy Nadeau, professional speaker, discussed common themes of Disney princess movies, chick-flicks, and romantic comedies with the nine women in attendance. Nadeau explained why it is important for women to critically think about where we get our ideas about relationships and our ideas about beauty.
Nadeau has been professionally speaking around the country for eight years. Nadeau was picked as one of the real-beauty models for the Dove campaign in 2005. The Dove campaign promoted real women with real curves.
“Dove’s mission was to make more women feel beautiful every day by widening the stereotypical theme of beauty and by inspiring women to take great care of themselves,” according to Nadeau’s website.
The 7 p.m. session focused on relationships in the media and how women, especially, create dream-like fantasies based on movies that can create issues with real-world relationships.
Nadeau explained that the themes created in classic Disney movies are readdressed in the more mature chick-flicks and romantic comedies that we watch as we grow. She noted that in all these movies the girl doesn’t do much, she sits around waiting for the male to save her, and when there are mothers, they are typically evil, which eliminates strong female characters.
Women tend to become emotionally invested in the characters of both the Disney movies and the chick-flicks to the point that we criticize our real relationships for not living up to the characters.
“We even get angry at our boyfriends for not treating us like Matthew McConaughey treats Kate,” Nadeau said.
The unrealistic themes and ideas can even be expressed in 30-second television advertisements. Nadeau showed two commercials where the girl had to change something about herself in order to “get him to say hello.”
The girl was again not doing much, except changing herself, and she was sitting around waiting for the man to come to her.
“How often have any of us ever been sitting and staring out a window when some perfect looking guy comes up to us and says, ‘Hey, your teeth are really white. Will you marry me?’,” Nadeau said. “No! It doesn’t happen.”
After a disclaimer about being an open person, Nadeau explained her life of dating beginning in high school. She went through a series of boyfriends in high school and college that just didn’t work out. Some because of pressures, some because of distance, and a few because of cheating, which eventually led to Nadeau’s “self-esteem taking a hit.”
Nadeau said at one point, she had a timeline.
“Girls, you know what I mean, a timeline,” Nadeau said. “You want certain things to happen by a certain age. Married a year after college, babies by 25, you know.”
Nadeau said she let a bad relationship go on too long because her boyfriend fit perfectly into her timeline and despite her gut telling her no, she stuck with it to follow her timeline.
“One of the hardest things I’ve done to date was let go of that timeline,” Nadeau said.
After a series of failed relationships, Nadeau’s perspective changed and she started to focus on herself. Her PowerPoint presentation provided a list of things to do in order to focus on oneself.
She said to be a friend, both to yourself and to others. Stop thinking about the negatives about yourself and being judgmental of others and just be a friend.
Make yourself come first. Even when dating, you have to make sure the person you are dating lines up with your morals and values, more than if they line up with your timeline. Don’t lie when dating and never change yourself for someone. Take your time to decide if you like someone.
“No, you don’t always have to know if ‘he’s the one’ after the first date,” Nadeau said.
Demand respect, which also goes along with making sure your morals and values align.
Make yourself proud: stop, drop and roll.
Stop dwelling on past relationships, drop negative, and roll on.
And finally, marry yourself, which means be a partner to yourself and treat yourself right. Be kind and loving to yourself first and it will be easier to invite someone else in to do that when you find the right person.
Nadeau said you have to know right now that you are enough. You have self-worth and you are worth everything you demand.
Her final tip was to find yourself and to grow with a partner. If you find yourself first you will know where you are and where you want to go, so when you find a partner you can grow in that direction together.
“We never stop growing in this world and you don’t need someone to come and fill you up and save you, you are enough right now, just as you are,” Nadeau said.