Newspaper zaps brainpower

Dear The Eagle,

Or whatever bird you go by nowadays,

I have a complaint to address with your paper and all newspapers across the nation.

As an American citizen I have the right to voice my opinion in saying that reporting what’s happening around local campuses and communities is dangerous.

The only true model of information We The People believe gives us insight to what is truly happening around us are advertisements.

Newspapers are dumb because you have to read them – nobody got time or brainpower for that. However, advertisements are bright, glittery and speak to us. Plus they tell us what we want and are polite enough to give me suggestions while I’m browsing Facebook or Eharmony.

When tragedy strikes, newspapers only report what’s happening, boring! But ads get a bunch of high-class celebrities to speak for the victims, (who cares if those actors go back to their yachts) which I think is much more thoughtful and informative.

In essence, I think The Eagle needs a reform. Instead of reporting the news, the weekly paper should feature 16 pages of advertisements. To be honest, I think that would greatly benefit the students of Chadron State College.

To conclude, one must answer the question: What’s white and annoying at breakfast? The person who wrote this letter you’re reading.

Sincerely,

Devin Fulton