‘Back in my day’ doesn’t solve the problem

We’ve all heard the stories our parents or grandparents tell, of how hard they had it and how we should be grateful. The stories can be anywhere from actual issues they faced, without calling out why they happened, or dramatizations such as ‘I walked miles to school, and it was uphill both ways’. 

No matter what the topic, the worst stories end with them telling us that the real world won’t care about our issues, or that we need to stop being so sensitive and grow up.

The stories don’t bother me now that I’m older but what does bother me is the lack of empathy. 

I’m not asking for parents to feel bad for their kids when they have to do small things like walk a block to the pool instead of being driven. I’m asking where the empathy is for bigger things, like their children’s mental health, especially concerning experiences they don’t have in common.

Technology is a relatively new issue and a lot of parents can’t relate to the issues their children are having due to it. Through multiple studies it has been found that social media leads to “an increased risk for depression, anxiety, loneliness, self-harm, and even suicidal thoughts.” according to HelpGuide. Which is a online guide to bettering mental health and understanding your mental health issues.

Older parents that didn’t grow up exposed to these things and may not use social media often probably aren’t aware of how badly it can affect their children’s mental health. Depression isn’t new either, and there are many things that can cause people to feel that way. Its been reported that there has been a “significant increase in the level of teenage anxiety, depression and behavior problems” according to the Nuffield Foundation. This increase makes it more likely that parents that didn’t deal with depression or other issues in their youth are now having children that will. This can create big communication issues if parents can’t empathize with the issues their children have.

I know it’s not the same in every family, but I know many people whose depressive feelings have been waved off as just wanting attention, faking it, or it not being as bad as they say it is. The lack of empathy in these replies can discourage teens from seeking support from their family. 

Since they feel that they can’t talk to their parents, teenagers have created support systems with their friends or people on the internet who can relate to their issues. The issue is when they spend more time on their phones trying to feel better with the support of their friends instead of their family, they can be met with complaints from their parents that they are always on their phone. 

When a person is depressed they often might not have the energy to do things that they have to do. Depression among teenagers works the same, so sometimes their lack of energy can manifest in their life as bad grades. When these bad grades are reported, often times the response is to take their child’s phone. Which may take away their kids support systems and harm them.

Whether parents like it or not their children have their own emotions and issues that they can’t control. Teens have created safe places on different platforms to support each other. While its great that teens have found ways to support each other. The issue is that the support may only come from their peers. 

A lot of parents can’t empathize with the added struggles that their children have and blame it on things like their phones. It’s time to start building empathy for their children and working together with them on the issues instead of ignoring the issues and taking away their methods to cope. 

Parents may not be able to fully comprehend the issues their children face but they should still want the best for them, physically and especially mentally.