Is it really so hard to understand no

Every incoming freshman is required to go to the consent and respect seminar (which some will understand and some will unfortunately choose to ignore) but I’m glad our school has it. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll help the future relationships of the students here.

Too many people don’t respect another person’s choice to say no.

While it may seem easier to believe that rape or sexual assault only happens outside of relationships in random occurrences, that is not the case. 

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in five women in the United States have been raped and of those 45.4% were raped by someone they were in an intimate relationship with.

It might seem shocking that someone who is in a relationship with someone would rape the person they supposably love or at least really care for, but it keeps happening.

Now I can’t speak for anyone else, but I was taught from a very young age that when someone says no or stop, you listened and stopped doing whatever you were doing. No or stop or don’t do that all mean that whatever is happening should not be.

I’m pretty sure the english language and ‘keep your hands to yourself’ was taught to all children. So I’m just a little confused on why it has become such a topic of misunderstanding and debate. 

If someone random just hopped in your car when you were parked, you would be confused and probably want them to get out. Some random person jumping in your car would be scary. All you can really do is ask them to get out and hope they won’t try and hurt you. 

 If they didn’t listen that would seem pretty weird ,right? 

It’s pretty weird that they wouldn’t ask first any ways, right?

 It’s pretty weird and annoying when people use your stuff without asking in general. People get mad at roommates and siblings for eating their snacks or using  their clothes. 

This is because it’s normal to ask permission when you use or touch other people’s stuff.

 It’s not hard to understand. 

Think about it like this, if it’s not yours don’t touch it and no matter what, another person is not your property. 

Whether you are dating, married, or anything in between. You do not and will never own that person or have the right to make decisions about what that person allows for themself.

It’s not your body, it’s not yours to decide what happens to it. 

Unfortunately, far too little people think that way. 

It’s honestly disheartening to know that even if I were to be in a committed relationship I’m not necessarily safe with the person that I’m supposed to be in love with. 

Who decided to teach people that when you date someone or marry someone they belong to you? 

I would love to have a conversation with them, because I don’t understand why they thought that was a good idea. 

People are not objects.

It’s not okay to decide that your needs supercede your partner’s choice and ability to say no. 

But just to make sure that everyone understands consent to apply it to their relationships, let’s revisit what consent is and is not real quickly. 

Consent is an ethusiastic yes. That’s it. That is the only thing that means yes. A person has to be asked and they have to say yes all on their own and be happy to say it. If they are coerced into it, guess what? It’s not consent. If they don’t say anything, again it is not consent. If they say no it is not consent. 

So now that you have been reminded of what consent is, I ask that you please, please use it. 

Teach your friends and your future kids and anyone you think might need to hear it. There’s too many people out there who don’t.