Dating isn’t a construction site

 A list of lies: ‘he’ll settle down for you eventually’, ‘I can change him’, ‘Trump won the election’.

All of these things are equally delusional. And while I admire people who believe these things for how stubborn and resilient, they must be to stick to their guns on such baseless points. It’s time to face the music.

He is not going to change, and if he does it won’t be for you. People need to stop entering relationships or chasing relationships on the premise of they might have potential and start dating people they genuinely like. And this goes for people in the talking stage too. Once you realize that the person you were chasing would only be what you want if they changed a few things then let them go and move on. 

They are not going to change. And you shouldn’t want them to, unless it’s something that is threatening their life. And even then it’s not on you, they have to choose to change. You are not their therapist or their parent, and you shouldn’t have to act like one either. 

People aren’t projects and you aren’t Bob the Builder. 

Put the tools down and walk away.

In the beginning stages of talking or dating, people are always going to try to put their best side out. So, if you think that there is something you wouldn’t really be willing to compromise on maybe take a minute to realize you should leave. If you don’t like them at their best, I think you’ll have a rude awakening when they’re at their worst.

I know it sucks and sometimes you really don’t want to leave. But staying will only hurt you and that person more and if you really like them you shouldn’t want to do that either. Realizing that a person isn’t it for you isn’t fun, but it’s a part of life. 

Staying in a relationship or continuing to talk to someone past when you realize it won’t work only guarantees you both get hurt and waste time. Moving on before you let either of you start thinking things will last longer than they should save you a lot of time and heartbreak. 

Plus if you don’t wait till too much damage is done, you might be able to end things amicably and leave with a friend. 

Take off the rose-colored glasses, they won’t help you.

In fact, they do a really good job of making little red flags blend in, both yours and theirs. And then when it’s over and the dust settles, you’ll both be very embarrassed about the red flags you missed and the things you let happen.

Now, I’m not saying to leave as soon as thing get rough, that would mean failure for every relationship. 

You have to take the good with the bad. But it’s important to set boundaries and expectations towards what you want in a relationship or whatever you are pursuing. 

No one likes getting hurt and even when it feels like it, no one is specifically trying to hurt people through relationships. The easiest way to fix hurting is to be upfront about what you expect and what you aren’t willing to put up with. 

You might not know what your deal breakers are for sure or how to set boundaries. I encourage you to spend a little time and figure it out. It’ll save you and someone else some heart break. 

And this applies to any type of dating, casual or serious. Setting boundaries will save you so you aren’t trying to avoid people on campus or the grocery store later. I encourage you to do some introspection and make your love life a little easier. Because dating isn’t a construction site.