Let’s move in together

I am the child of divorced parents who are each now married to divorced people. I definitely understand the consequences of divorce. 

So let’s talk about cohabitation or moving in together before getting married. 

Now if you Google the right thing it will tell you that if you move in together before marriage you have a higher divorce rate. But if you dig a little deeper you will find that this is only if you plan on getting married regardless.  Couples that move in together, who consider themselves partners that are under no legal obligations, are more successful. 

Statistics from the Pew Research Center, show that this is a common thought in our generation, in fact 78% of 18-29 year-olds think it is perfectly OK to move in with a partner, regardless of if marriage is in the couple’s future. 

Some statistics show that couples that move in together before marriage have higher divorce in the far future, even if they are happier in the beginning. 

But let’s consider that there were a lot less people in the past that lived together before marriage, meaning we are just now gathering a big study group. Getting married is a huge step and commitment, you are forming more than a legal obligation, one that can not be ended whenever you want. 

Cohabitation, in my opinion, is a great thing for those that want to form and grow a stronger relationship. This doesn’t mean that you have to share a bed or even a room (even though you can), you are just living together, like roommates. 

Moving in together can be a great financial decision, much like getting a roommate, you split groceries, bills and rent. 

It also makes it possible for you to see how your partner handles finances, if they spend a lot or if they are frugal. Either way this might be a deal breaker later down the line. 

You get to see how someone works up close, how they handle anger, sickness and when things just are not going right. Do they lash out? Create bad habitats? 

In their safe space, you see the truest version of the person. A person you are thinking about spending your life with. Why would you want to be surprised? Without fail someone is going to find the Pew Research article I mentioned and ask why I didn’t add in the rest of the statistics abut how married couples have stronger relationships. So here is why, it doesn’t matter. 

Those statistics, which are all very close anyway, are not good for comparing if you should move in together before marriage. 

Cohabitation, in this case, and marriage are supposed to be different. Obviously couples that are living together, feel like their relationships are not as set in stone as married couples do. 

That is the equivalent of comparing couples that are dating and those that are married, it has nothing to do with the success rate. 

Now, I know that there is always the struggle of religion. I’m sure many people will disagree with this because of religion. Religious rules do not often support moving in together. 

The religious divorce rates are slightly lower than non-religious people, but this isn’t the point. Divorce rates and the happiness in relationships are not the same. 

Those that have religious rules surrounding their ability to get divorced are more likely to stay in unhappy relationships. 

So here’s the deal, be happy, move in together or don’t but remember the only person who gets an opinion on it is you. As a couple if you want to move-in together, please do. It might just create a stronger relationship later down the road.