‘Happy Holidays’ no longer offensive
I’ve found renewed contentment this holiday season. Despite what you may think, it was not easy. The most wonderful time of the year can also be the most stressful.
Forget the perils of finding the right present or the onerous task of avoiding family strife—the thing that instills the most fear in me from the day after Thanksgiving until December 26th is the ever-present danger of hailing a complete stranger with an offensively wrong holiday greeting.
If recent years are any example, no one—not even the president—is safe from the ire of the merrymaker scorned by an underwhelming holiday salutation. In 2005, President George W. Bush caught criticism for sending out cards to 1.4 million of his closest friends and supporters wishing what was perceived as a generic “happy holiday season.”
The general consensus among the most vociferous detractors was that they would have liked to have seen “Merry Christmas” on cards from such a staunchly-Christian president.
Although the theory was that Bush had gone all milquetoast in an effort to appeal to the widest range of Americans, including—gasp—liberals, the truth is he was wishing everyone a happy Holiday.
No, not holiday, Holiday. The holiday of the Pastafarians, which is called simply “Holiday.”
Can you sense why my contentment is renewed by this revelation? As many probably know, Pastafarianism is the religion of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It is a religion that renounces any standardized dogma, ritual, or formalism. Thus, by having no specific ritual or dogma, Pastafarianism embraces—possibly inadvertently or as the result of heavy drinking—all forms of religious practice.
It’s a lot like the Dada Manifesto—to reject Dada is to be Dada.
Bobby Henderson, founder and prophet of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, states, “with millions, if not thousands, of devout worshippers, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is widely considered a legitimate religion, even by its opponents.”
Clearly Bush was not merely hedging his bets with a generic holiday greeting. Indeed he was using the very phrase Pastafarians use to wish each other a happy Holiday. And since Holiday does not occur on any specific day within the holiday season, the salutations “Happy Holidays” and “Seasons Greetings” truly apply and appeal to the hearts of all holidays.
If it’s good enough for a president as loved and revered as George W. Bush—some even think him the greatest US president of all time—it’s good enough for me.
Now I wish others “Happy Holidays” with a confidence I have never known.
Even if Richard Dawkins walked past me tomorrow, I would not cowardly wish him “happy Nothing, Mr. Dawkins!” Knowing that I am not alone, I would proudly say “happy Holidays.”